was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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