We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
