i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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