I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
