I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
