Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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