I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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