I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
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