i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
