You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
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I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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