so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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