We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
