I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
