I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
