You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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