I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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