If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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