You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
