be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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