yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
