I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
