Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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