fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
