Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
