mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
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she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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