i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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