omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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