am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Randomize
