Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
