I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
