Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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