omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
