I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
