Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Randomize
