If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
The best revenge is premature balding
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
