My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
We just shotgunned beers for America
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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