brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
