2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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