Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
