it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
