I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
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Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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