Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
