Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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