You smell like a Billy Joel song
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
