I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
