i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
