Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
