i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
