Do you still have your period?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
