The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
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We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
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At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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