There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
