Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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