you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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