so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
