i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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