I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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