he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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