Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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