My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
