The maid of honor just puked.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
