you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
