so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
