Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
His hands were made for my vagina.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
