cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
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