you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
