Jerry, you need to find god
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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