I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
My feet surprised me
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
