All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
this will be a night to untag.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
