I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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