I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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