His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
