i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
