well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
