thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
