You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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