i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
