I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
even my farts smell like vagina
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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