i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
